This is part 2 of this email and I will share what I learned about giving up what’s not
mine to have, how to know and the price for ignoring it.
I am diving right in. If you haven’t read part 1, go here
When I first felt my wings they were tightly bound. Restricted.
I didn’t know they were wings but I knew I felt trapped.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have gone through a process of elimination,
but I didn’t know it then so I up and left the life I was creating. All of it.
Fiance, houses cars, dogs, business, life plans.
I kept going back and forth to him and that life, for next 7 years.
Until he got pregnant and decided to marry the soon to be mother of his child.
I was relieved, I no longer had to keep choosing and questioning.
He made the choice for me, I was free to move on.
And, it came with a price I have been paying since.
I stayed in jobs too long. Kept friends too long.
Went on 3rd, 4th, 5th date, months into dating realizing that I knew on the 2nd date,
it was not the right person for me.
The price I have been paying – time, self respect, self doubt, breaking trust in my intuition.
It took me a while to decipher the feelings I had after decisions were made for me,
after I neglected to act on what I knew was right.
I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I felt resigned, another wrong decision.
I felt like something was taken away from me too soon. I had no choice in the matter.
I felt powerless. I even told stories of my victimhood and injustice. I justified my
not taking action sooner. I needed the money (projects). Another month so I can save
a little more (jobs). He is trying and I am being so harsh (boyfriends).
It is so tough to make good friends, we grow through forgiveness and 2nd chances (friendships).
Then I sat my sorry ass down and dug deep.
What I dug up was stinky and dark.
My wings stayed in bondage for as long as I kept clinging to what no longer worked for me.
True freedom comes when we can finally trust ourselves.
You will hear me say “nothing is a mistake, it is all a lesson”. Yes, true.
Ask me on my dead bed how many lessons I wish I learned the first time
Feeling of betray was me betraying myself, my inner knowing.
Something was taken away too soon, I had no choice in the matter, was really me not doing it when I knew it was time.
My choice to end it was taken away, by me, by delaying.
Victimhood, was me giving away the power to end what I knew has expired.
Here is what I know right now and what I vowed to trust myself with:
1. Trust myself when I feel that something is not right for me.
It may take time for me to acknowledge it fully and know what I need to do and that’s ok.
2. If I push it away and it keeps coming back to me, it is mine to experience.
If I push it away and it leaves, I let it go.
3. If I have to make a list of pros and cons, I probably already know the answer, but
need “reasonable” reasons. This is in case people ask me if I really thought about it.
4. If I wait for somebody else to make the decision for me (like my ex-fiance), I will
pay the price. Part of me will feel betrayed. Part of me will feel like a victim. Both will eat away at my confidence. Not fun.
5. If I leave when I know I need to go (no matter how hard), I will question it. Especially
if things don’t start working out for me immediately. It’s ok, make a list of pros.
6. Everything is energy. The longer I hold onto the form that no longer serves me,
the longer I block what will serve me, from coming in. I trust that something is always waiting to come in, it just needs space.
7. I know best what is best for me. Always. It’s ok to ask people I trust so I can get
perspectives I may not have considered. And, I know best what is best for me.
8. I TRUST ME. no matter what. even when it hurts my heart.
9. I toss a coin. This test beats all above. Seriously, try it. I toss the coin!
Heads = stay/keep, Tails = leave/let go. I toss.
How do I feel about the result?
10. Make a list of all the things you will be free to do and experience when it is out of your life.
I know by now you know that thing you have been holding onto for too long. I know you know.
Got that? I know you know. It can be a thing, a person, a project, situation.
Ready to let go?
I am here to support you. I mean it. Click reply and share. Don’t go it alone.
To Your Freedom (of choice),